Life is Pointless

I'm a big people watcher. Often times I imagine the lives of the people I'm watching, what kind of lives they live and if mine will ever amount to the great things I envision these random strangers accomplishing. It leaves me wondering if anyone ever pictures me leading a perfect life as I wait in line for my coffee. Thinking I have everything together. It's kind of funny when you think about it. No one person leads a perfect life, yet it's what everyone hopes for in their future. The idea of perfect may differ from one person to the next, but in general it's what we all expect. Perfect is one of those words that bothers me. It gives a sense of false hope and just leads to disappointment. It sounds negative, but it's just the harsh truth. No one pictures themselves failing in life, we all have this idea of this supreme future. For me, it's being married with kids, having my PhD., my own office for child therapy, a dog, I could go as far as describing my house to you. I fail to imagine the possibility of divorce, the inability to conceive, failing out of school. We don't see these things happening to us. Divorce is something that happens to your neighbours, not you. It's like cancer. When it happens to someone else it's a sad unfortunate event in life, but when it happens to you, you can't believe it.

Call me negative, cynical, worrisome. Point is I simple don't care. Life almost seems worthless. You go through following the same patterns as every other person. You face struggles, you overcome them or you don't, then one day it just all ends. Your short blip in millions of years, an infinite universe comes to an end and you'll simply be a memory that fades away.

It almost reminds me of the feeling I get in a crowded shopping mall or street. Everyone bustling around you, worrying about their own problems. If you weren't there, no one would notice. You would just be one less body to move around. When time goes on after you die, you slowly become that person on the street that no one notices. No one will know how many hours you wasted away scrolling on the internet, or where you bought your groceries every Sunday afternoon. Because these minute memories and actions fade away with you. Even people in history have faded away. Everyone remembers Hitler and what he did in Germany, but no one knows him beyond that and no one ever will.